That’s the sentence I used to excuse someone abusing their power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last spring I got a lesson from a queer person 15 years younger than me. We both attended an educational group. We just witnessed emotional violence from a person in power. In my head, a usual \u201cAt least it wasn\u2019t me she shouted at\u201d popped up. As a group we started talking (people process complex feelings by talking). Very familiar phrases were heard:
\ud83d\udde3\ufe0f They are just tired. That\u2019s why they behaved that way.
\ud83d\udde3\ufe0f It must be hard for them to be both a leader and a host.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our 20-something-years-old \u2018teacher\u2019 stopped us all:
Stop it. What you do is find excuses for someone\u2019s violence. It doesn\u2019t matter why it happened. What matters is that they are in power and they have chosen to behave violently. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wow\u2026 A world ran in front of my eyes and I\u2019ve seen all of the situations where I was under attack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What happens is that instead of seeing black as black, we try to protect our feelings. Instead of seeing the truth, we use a wide range of ways to \u201csecure\u201d ourselves: \u201coh, but they didn\u2019t shout at me\u201d, \u201cat least I follow the rules, and shouldn\u2019t get into trouble\u201d, \u201cthey must have deserved it\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The exact same story unfolds at many work places. People in power overuse their power. They are living out their stress on subordinates. They compensate for their anxiety by control and micromanagement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For our psyche, admitting that black is black is very hard, because once seen, we have to deal with the problem. Thus, we colour black into pink and blue and keep lying to ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To start seeing black as black, one needs tons of support from peers, and solid confidence. Those two are ruined with experienced abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emotional abuse at work. What’s the phrase you used to protect yourself from seeing it clearly?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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